Supporting Your Student

Beating the Procrastination Monster: How College Parents Can Help

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For some college students, the more the work piles up, the more they put it off.  Sometimes the toughest part of the battle seems to be finding where to begin and actually digging in.  As students get overwhelmed, especially near the end of the semester, they freeze and wait until it is almost too late (or really too late) to get their work done well.  As parents, we may need to remind ourselves that students don’t necessarily want to put things off until the last minute, they may just have difficulty knowing where to begin, or they may not understand exactly how much time or work is required to complete the task.

While college parents must remember that students need to learn their own lessons about time management, parents may be able to help students beat the Procrastination Monster by offering some suggestions — and then stepping back. Of course, helping students learn to deal with procrastination early in the semester would be best — before things begin to pile up.  But facing the monster at any stage is helpful.

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The End-of-Semester Push — Can Parents Help?

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stressed man at computer

For many college students, the final push of the semester is an extremely stressful time.  This is the time when many students realize that their time-management skills may not be the best.  This is the time when students realize how much reading is left, how many papers are still unfinished (or not yet begun), how much material will actually be covered on a final exam.  Students are overwhelmed, tired, sometimes sick, and often nervous or downright frightened.

During this stressful time of the semester, parents need to be supportive, but give a student some ”space” to deal with his issues.  Students will react to pressure differently.  Some will rise to the occasion — and even thrive on the adrenaline of the final push.  Others will fall apart, have a meltdown, – and then pull themselves together and tackle what they need to do.  Some may forge ahead as they have all semester, almost oblivious to the added pressure at this point.  Others may crumple under the stress.  Parents need to be prepared for anything.

As college parents seek to find the right balance for the end-of-semester time, we’ve gathered a few posts that may be especially helpful.  Remember that your role is supportive and that you need to let your college student cope in the best way that she can.  It is often difficult to stand back and watch as your college student struggles, but this is part of the independence that your student needs.  She may make some choices that are helpful and some choices that are not particularly wise.  She will learn from her choices either way.

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What Can My College Student Do During Winter Break?

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Most college students eagerly look forward to Winter Break as a welcome respite from their college life.  Whether your student has adjusted well to college life or is still struggling to find his place, the break from school and the chance to rest and regroup is welcome.  Although some schools may break just for the holidays, many colleges have a break that extends through mid-January or even until the end of January.  Once your student has been able to sleep and recover from final exams, once the activity of the holidays is over, the rest of Winter Break may loom ahead.

Some schools may have a January Term or Winter Intersession Term.  This winter session may be optional or it may be required.  Obviously, if your student is required to attend or chooses to attend an intersession term, then Winter Break will be shorter.

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How Parents Can Help College Students Value Their Mistakes

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No one likes to make mistakes. We know we may not be perfect, but we try not to make too many mistakes — especially what we might consider ”stupid mistakes”.  College students don’t like to make mistakes either, but they will probably make some — perhaps many — mistakes throughout their college career.  It is difficult, as a parent, to watch your college student make what you might consider avoidable mistakes.  The problem may not be the mistakes themselves, but the attitude that both parents and students have toward their mistakes.

Making mistakes is a way of learning.  We may make mistakes when we try new things, or stretch our limits.  Others may have made the same mistake before us, but we may need to make the mistake ourselves in order to learn from it. It doesn’t matter what others have told us, we need to have the experience ourselves.  College is, in many ways, practice for life.  College students may stumble and fall at times — sometimes in small ways and sometimes in more serious ways — but, hopefully, they will learn from their mistakes and become wiser.  As college parents, we can help our students make sense of these experiences.

This post is not about specific mistakes that students make in college, but rather it is about how parents can help college students accept their mistakes as a valuable part of their college experience and learn from them.  Sometimes the mistakes that students make in college may be very serious, and have serious consequences.  It is important that parents consider carefully when to intervene. (Hint: it may not be as soon as we think.) Parents need to continue to find the balance between letting go and allowing their student to make a mistake and bear the consequences, and intervening when the student’s health or safety may be at stake.

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Cheering Your College Student on From a Distance

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As parents, we want to support our college student in every way that we can.  We want them to know that we are aware that they are working hard.  We want them to know that we are proud of them.   We want to be present to see the fruits of their efforts, and to see them shine.  The problem is that sometimes we simply can’t get to campus and we need to do our supporting from afar.

What do you do if your student is participating in that important athletic event, playing or singing in that important concert, performing in that play, dancing in that show, being inducted in that honor society, or receiving that prestigious award and you can’t make the trip to the college to be there?  As a parent, you’re disappointed and you feel that you’ve let your student down.  Intellectually, you know that you have no choice, but emotionally, it is difficult.

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Helping Your College Student Avoid ”How Do I Tell My Parents?” Fears

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Things happen.  As college students work at their increasing independence and responsibility, as they learn that some of the choices that they are making are good choices and others are not, as they strive to find balance, as they struggle to accept consequences for their actions, things happen.  Some of these things are good things, affirming that your student is growing and maturing and making wise decisions.  Some of these things are not as positive, and some may have serious consequences.  Some students have poor or even failing grades, some face college judicial or even legal consequences, some face health issues, some face social problems, some face serious money issues,  and some simply feel that they’ve made all of the wrong choices at this point in their life.

Whatever may be happening for your college student, it may be magnified at the midpoint in a semester.  The reality of midterm grades may be a wake-up call.  The urgency of the remaining few weeks may hit.  The immediacy of a break or holiday at home with family may dawn.  The tensions are increasing as the semester progresses.

No matter what your college student may be experiencing or feeling right now, the second thing that many students worry about may be ”How will I tell my parents?”  As parents, we like to think that our college students can talk to us about whatever may be bothering them.  However, for many students, concern about family reactions to college difficulties may be adding to an already difficult time.  This may be especially true for families that are, or have been, close.  Our college students don’t want to disappoint us.  They don’t want to let us down.  They don’t want to fail at their new found independence.

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Should My College Student Consider Withdrawing from a Class?

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Your college student has received their midterm grades.  They may be pleased and feeling relieved, or may have some cause for concern.  Now is the time that your student needs to do some serious thinking about how they will approach the second half of the semester.  If all of their grades are good then your student knows that they are on the right track.  If some, or all, of their grades are weak, then it is time to think about a new approach.

Your college student may, or may not, share midterm grades with you.  If your student has some low midterm grades, they may view this as a failure.  You may need to help your student put these grades into perspective and make some decisions about the second half of the semester.

Withdrawing from a college class is not the same thing as dropping a class early in the term.  At most institutions, students have an option in the first few days of the term of dropping a class.  This is important for students who find that they are in the wrong level of a class, or that the class is inappropriate or of no interest to them.  Classes that are dropped at the beginning of the term generally do not show up on the student’s permanent record.  Withdrawing from a class later in the term usually results in a ”W” appearing on the student’s transcript.  The ”W” has no effect on the student’s GPA (Grade Point Average).

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What Are College Parental Notification Policies?

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As parents, we worry about our children when they head off to college.  No matter how much we trust them, and respect them, and know in our minds that they will be fine, we are concerned about them.  In some cases, we may be especially worried, or we may not completely trust them, because of a history of unwise behavior or questionable habits in high school.  In either case, we worry because our children are not only away from us and on their own, possibly for the first time, but we also worry because we may not know when they are in trouble.

In 1974, Congress passed the Buckley Amendment, commonly referred to as the Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), which gave parents certain rights to their child’s educational records.  When a student turns eighteen, those rights transfer to the student, which means that information goes directly to the student, rather than the parents.  Congress revised the law in 1998 and further clarified it in 2000, to allow (but not require) institutions to notify parents if students under the age of twenty-one violate campus alcohol or drug policies.

One of the first things that you can do as a parent is to be clear about the notification policy at your student’s institution.  You may ask about the policy on an admissions visit.  The information may be available on the college website.  You may need to call a Dean of Students or Parent Relations Office to find the answer.  Be clear about the policy.  Don’t assume that all is well with your student because you haven’t heard anything if you find that your student’s school has a no notification policy.

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Helping Your College Student Make Sense of Midterm Grades

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Once midterm exams are over, many students will receive their midterm grades.  At some institutions students will receive grades, if they receive them at all, individually from instructors.  At other institutions, there may be something more formal.  Students may receive actual letter grades, or they may receive something to indicate satisfactory or unsatisfactory grades.

There are some important things to remember about midterm grades — and to help your student remember in order to make sense — and productive use — of these mid-semester grades.

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Ten Suggestions to Help Students Through the Stress of Midterm Exams

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Midterm exam time is a stressful time for most students.  For many students, midterm exam time comes as a wake-up call.  The beginning of the semester has progressed smoothly, or so it seems, and then suddenly your student realizes how much there still is to do on that paper or project, or how many chapters are yet unread, or how much material must be memorized for an exam.  Although some students may have had large midterm or final exams in high school, for some students this may be a new experience.  This may be one of the first big college reality checks for your student.

College parents may feel helpless as their college student begins to worry or even panic over exams.  This is one of those college moments where your student needs to figure out how they will cope.  However, there are a few things that parents can do to help students through this stressful time.

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