As you and your student navigate your way through the summer before college, you will have many ups and downs.  There is much to be done, and tensions may run high at times.  It is a summer of excitement and emotion.  There are several things that you can do throughout the summer to help to ease the transition to college.  However, as the actual move-in day approaches, there are some specific things that you, as a college parent to be, can do to help the move go smoothly.

Preparing for the move to college

• Be informed.  Read all of the material that you have received from the college.  Don’t be caught off guard at the last minute because you’ve forgotten something urgent.  Know college policies.  Can your student bring a microwave or refrigerator?  Are pets allowed?  Can he bring his own bed or mattress?  How much extra furniture is allowed? What paperwork will he be expected to bring with him?
• Check specific information about arrival time. Some schools designate a specific time for you to arrive.  If they tell you to come at noon, don’t expect to be allowed to move in at 7 a.m.
• If you are a long distance from the college, consider traveling the day before move-in and staying overnight.  Early arrival for move-in day is helpful and it can be an exhausting day.  It may be easier on everyone if you do your traveling the day before.  If you plan to do this, make arrangements early.  Local hotels may fill early.
• Help your student make a checklist of everything he needs to pack.  Use this checklist as you pack the car.  Do the thinking ahead of time when everyone is more relaxed rather than at the last minute.
• Gather all important paperwork in one place and leave it accessible.  If your student knows what residence hall he will be in, have that information.  If he will need to turn in health forms or financial forms, etc., make sure that they are packed on top.
• Try to help your student not to become overwhelmed.  (This means you shouldn’t become overwhelmed!)  Take things one step at a time.
• Remember that your student will be able to buy some things once he is at school.  It may make sense to wait to see what may be needed or to check with a roommate once he arrives.  You may take your student to a local store — or he will go on his own.  You can also bring some things next time you come to campus. Chances are, he may not need snow boots or skis until after Family Weekend.
• Be prepared to be ”dismissed” by your student.  It may be important to him that he prepare and pack on his own.  Step back from the process when necessary, but be prepared to help out if asked.
• Be patient with procrastination.  Packing may seem overwhelming.  And packing makes the whole prospect of college and leaving home finally very real.  Many students wait until the last moments to actually pack.  Be patient.  You are not alone.

Read more

The transition to becoming a college parent isn’t sudden.  You’ve been working on it through all of those months of SAT prep, college visits, essay writing, financial aid discussions, applications, acceptances and rejections, and finally, the DECISION.  But as you begin to think about the reality of your new situation, it’s hard to know where to begin.

Let’s begin by thinking about who this new college student is, and what your role in this college experience might be.

Who is this College Student?

This college student is the son or daughter you’ve raised.

First and foremost, this student heading off on this grand and scary adventure called college, is the son or daughter you raised.  Although it sometimes feels as though you may not know or understand their behavior, you’ve had many years to instill important values and teach life lessons.  Your student will take to college the tool chest of lessons, experiences and values you’ve given them.  Trust your student.  Trust the years you’ve spent with them and the lessons you’ve taught.

This college student has a clean slate.

There is something wonderful about the adventure of beginning college.  Your student is a young person with an opportunity to have a clean slate and build a new life. Many of us might welcome the opportunity to have a fresh start. Your student may have spent many years in the same area, school, or neighborhood.  Everyone knows them.  Your family may have connections in town, your student may have siblings ahead or behind them, they may be known as an excellent student, an athlete, a loner, or a class leader.   There is something safe in this knowledge, but also something restricting.

At college your student will have a fresh start.  They will have an opportunity for a re-creation of who they are and who they want to be   This can be a wonderful, and an intimidating prospect. There’s no reputation to fall back on, but there’s also no history clouding your student’s opportunities.  Some students thrive on the experience of this fresh start and some are taken by surprise.  As parents, it is important for us to recognize that this is a stressful time.  Encourage your student to take advantage of the clean slate that they will have to invent the self they want to be.

Read more