Your student sailed through high school. They had a reputation as an excellent student throughout their school years. They won awards, or were named consistently to the honor roll, or even valedictorian of their class. You were proud. They were proud. Everyone was confident of their success in college.
But something happened.
How is it possible that this excellent student, this conscientious, motivated student with an outstanding academic history is failing one or more classes, perhaps even considering dropping out or facing probation or dismissal?
Transitions are difficult for everyone, but shouldn’t your “good” student be able to weather this transition? Why do some students, who fared so well in high school, seem to have exceptional difficulties?
Students who have always done well may be especially at risk because they are not prepared for the challenges or obstacles they may face in college. They haven’t experienced the discomfort of hardship before. They haven’t had to work their “resilience muscle.”
Students who have had difficulty throughout their early school years, who have struggled regularly with their academic work, who have needed and used help and support, and who have overcome significant challenges, may be in a better position to face the new challenges college presents. They are experienced “strugglers” who have developed their ability to handle – and overcome – difficulty.
For students who have never before found school difficult, this new, unfamiliar threat may feel frightening and overwhelming.
Statistics show that approximately one third of First Year students do not return for their sophomore year of college. Although they may leave for many different reasons, a portion of these students leave college because they have failed classes and feel defeated.
It may seem that given all of the factors working against students as they transition to college, it is almost inevitable that many will fail. Of course, it isn’t inevitable. Many students will thrive as they enter college. But it is important not to assume that because your student did well in high school they will automatically do well in college.
A good student experiencing a poor first (or second) semester is not unique. But if this is your student who is failing, it doesn’t help much to know others may be failing as well.
What’s different in college?
College academics are significantly different from what most students have experienced in high school. Academic expectations shift; requiring more critical thinking and more independent learning. Workload outside of the classroom increases significantly. Students experience much less external accountability and are responsible for their own organization and time management. Students are expected to decide how to do their work, to attend class, to plan study time and to complete assignments. In most cases, they are accountable only to themselves.
Read more about the differences between high school and college in our article College Parents Can Help Freshmen Understand the Differences Between High School and College or listen to podcast episode #009 – The Importance of Anticipating the Key Differences Between High School and College.
Academics is just one area in which there is a major shift in college and often it is the “life” factors that can have the greatest impact. Students move from their relatively structured life in high school, framed by school days, extracurricular activities, family routines and expectations, to what is for many a first taste of freedom and independence. They experience a 24/7 social life that is full of distractions, lack of sleep, occasional homesickness, stress, possible increased financial pressures, and an expectation that they will advocate for what they need and proactively seek out college resources.
There’s a lot going on as students try to transition from high school and home to college and living independently.
Why might “good” students be more at risk?
All students entering college face many of the same challenges. Why might the students who’ve never struggled be more at risk?
- Your student may have an elevated self-image as a good student. School has always been relatively easy, and they anticipate that they will continue to be able to do schoolwork as easily as they always have. These students have not needed to develop good study habits and time management skills because success seemed to come naturally.
- When work in a subject becomes difficult, your student may believe that “hard” simply means they are not good at that subject, not that they need to take a new and different approach. They may have what Carol Dweck calls a “fixed” mindset.
- Because your student may not have needed to ask for help before, they do not know how to ask for help, who to ask, when to ask, or why asking for help is essential to their success. They believe that “being smart” and being “independent” means you need to be able to do everything yourself.
What happens?
It is one thing to understand some of the reasons why good students may have difficulty succeeding, but it is also important to understand what happens as students begin to fall apart.
- Your student may hide their struggles. They are embarrassed and feel they have let the people who care about them down.
- Your student may be surprised to realize that no one seems to be noticing their difficulty. They are waiting for someone to say something or reach out to offer help. If no one says anything, it must be OK. (Most college professors expect students to be proactive about asking for help when they need it.)
- Your student may experience imposter syndrome. They believe the college must have made a mistake by admitting them! They don’t want to let on that there’s been a “mistake.”
- Your student may unconsciously begin to self-sabotage and adopt an “I don’t care” attitude about school or engage in self-destructive behaviors. If they fail out of school, it will be because they didn’t care and not that they weren’t capable.
- They begin to spiral downward. As your student begins to realize they can no longer manage what writer Jeanine Jannot describes in her book The Disintegrating Student as their “Rigor Tipping Point,” they may become paralyzed, miss classes, not complete assignments or seek help, and they fall behind. It then becomes more difficult or even impossible for them to return to class or reach out for help.
Is there anything you can do?
It is impossible to inoculate your student, but there are a few things you can do to support your student.
- Be a calming presence. Your student is overwhelmed and frightened at what is happening. Reassure them and help them take a breath and know there is a way forward.
- Open doors of communication: Encourage your student to be honest with you about how things are going. Remind them that you are ready to support them and help them get back on track.
- Help your student prepare: Talk about some of the differences between high school and college and help them prepare for different expectations and a different approach.
- Explain Imposter Syndrome: Remind your student that the college admitted them because the college believed they could do the work. They belong here.
- Encourage perspective: Let your student know that they are not alone. Many students, including some of the best students, find the transition to college work difficult and struggle, even if they don’t talk about it.
- Encourage goals and action plans: Help your student think about their goals and motivation for being in college, and be sure to follow that up by helping them think about the steps they need to take to reach those goals.
- Just one thing: Ask your student to start with one thing that they can change. Take one small action to move forward.
It’s OK. Initial struggle, and even failure, may actually be a good thing. It may be the thing that will help your student reorient and be more directed and stronger than ever. As parents, it is important to take the long view and see this as a building block in your student’s life journey You and your student may need to work together to see failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Related articles:
Helping Your College Student Control the Overwhelm
Does Your Student Know How to Advocate for What They Need?
The Delicate Balance of Support and Self-Reliance
