Ah, the weekends. Most of us look forward to them as a change of pace, relaxation, and time to recharge. For some college students, however, weekends mean not just a break from going to class, but also a time to head home.
When our student moves away to college, it’s natural to miss them and to want to see them. It is natural for most students to experience a certain amount of homesickness or nostalgia for home. Recognize and honor these feelings. But recognize, too, that frequent visits home for weekends may not be the best solution. Spending quality time on campus over the weekends is an important way that your student will begin to engage with their new home away from home.
Why do students want to head home?
Just a few short weeks ago, your student couldn’t wait to get to college. Move-in Day was exciting! Now they can’t wait to come home for weekends. What happened?
Your student may want to come home for many reasons, and most of them are valid. If your student is coming home, there are two important questions to ask – both of your student and yourself.
Start with yourself – even if it is an uncomfortable question. Is your student coming home every weekend because they want to be home or because they feel you expect or need them to be there? It’s not an easy question to answer, and you may need to think about the messages you send to your student.
The second question is for your student. Why come home every weekend? There are many possible responses.
- I miss my family (and maybe my pet, too).
- I have a job at home and I need to keep this job to help pay for college.
- I miss home-cooked food and it’s easier to do my laundry.
- I’m homesick and I miss the familiar routine of home because everything at college is new and different.
- I need a break from being so independent and in charge of every part of my life. I just want to have someone else take care of me for a while.
- I want to sleep. The dorm is so busy and noisy I can’t get a good night’s sleep.
- I have a boyfriend or girlfriend at home and I want to spend time with them.
- I want to get away from the alcohol and drugs that seem to be part of everything at college.
- I just need to recharge.
All of these are valid reasons for a student to make an occasional visit home. But if your student is heading home every weekend, leaving school every weekend, they are missing out on a big part of the college experience.
Why do weekends at college matter?
What’s wrong with going home when there are no classes?
There’s nothing wrong, and much good, about your student wanting to come home, reconnect with family, and get some things done. In fact, it seems as though these frequent visits home might help your student (and you) ease the transition into college life. Unfortunately, however, there’s a flaw in that thinking.
Although your student may not have classes on the weekend, this “downtime” is exactly the time that can help your student connect with other students and begin to feel more a part of their new college community.
Here are a few reasons why staying on campus for weekends (especially during that crucial first six weeks) can make a difference.
- This is your student’s opportunity to meet some new people beyond those in their classes or living on their dorm floor. Most colleges provide activities and entertainment over weekends, clubs may schedule activities, and your student can broaden their friendship circle. (Of course, this means that your student needs to make the effort to get out of their room!)
- Making friends takes time. Students who spend weekends on campus have both opportunity and time to connect with others.
- Overcoming homesickness takes time, effort, and engagement. Students who spend weekends on campus, and make an effort to participate in something, will begin to feel more connected to the college community as a whole. Becoming more engaged and familiar with the campus and people around them, helps students feel more comfortable and familiar – and this often reduces homesickness.
- If your student comes home every weekend, going back to college at the beginning of the week can become increasingly difficult as others seem to be making connections and your student feels left out. Your student may not be making progress with the transition process.
- Leaving campus every weekend makes college a “job” for the weekdays rather than the full living, learning experience it could be.
- Weekends on campus can provide uninterrupted time to study and catch up on work.
- Having some downtime on campus can be an important way for your student not only to feel engaged with the community, but also to learn about themselves and what matters to them.
What can students do with themselves on the weekends?
Too often, we hear students say, “I’m so bored. There’s nothing to do on the weekends.”
It’s true that there may be fewer scheduled activities on the weekend (although there are probably more than many students realize), but students who try can find many things to do.
- Although your student probably doesn’t want to (and shouldn’t) spend all weekend studying, this can be a good time to catch up or get ahead with some study time.
- There may be more social events and activities on the weekend than your student realizes. Many schools send a regular email to students with upcoming events – social events, off campus trips, club events. Students who make an effort to get involved can find things to do.
- If your student participates in a club or group that doesn’t schedule weekend activities, they might suggest something. There may be others who will appreciate having weekend activities, too.
- Your student can try to find a weekend campus job. Work to get some extra money, but stay on campus. (The job may help your student meet new people, too.)
- This can be a great time to explore new parts of a large campus or the town surrounding the school. Are there parks, theaters, local events or attractions, clubs or restaurants?
- Your student might get together with a few friends to cook if they have access to a kitchen in the dorm. They might even prepare some food for the week ahead.
- There’s always shopping. (In person, not online.) If your student doesn’t have a car to get to the mall, some campuses run shuttle buses. Some students have fun finding consignment shops or flea markets to hunt for treasures.
- Get together with friends for game or movie nights.
- This can be an opportunity to value some alone time – time to work on a hobby, or take up a new one.
- Volunteer somewhere. This not only feels good, but might help your student make new connections and friends.
- Keep your dorm room door open and see who might stop by.
Is there anything parents can do to encourage students to stay on campus?
Although it is up to your student to make the effort to connect with other students and to engage in the college community, there are a few things that you can do to encourage your student to stay on campus.
- You will miss your student, and might be very happy to have them home often, but think carefully about the messages you are sending. Is your student coming home because they need/want to be there or to please you?
- Discuss expectations about visits and/or staying on campus even before your student leaves home. Explain to your student why time on campus matters.
- Suggest that they wait at least six weeks before making that first visit home. Give it a chance.
- If they insist on coming home, try a gradual approach. Try two week intervals, then three and see what happens.
- Look at the campus calendar together with your student to find some things that may interest them. Help them think about who they might ask to join them.
- If they are missing family, suggest that you visit them on campus rather than having them come home.
- Send some money or a gift card for them to go to brunch or dinner or an event with some friends on the weekend.
- Send a care package with sharables. There is nothing like a fresh batch of cookies or other treats to bring students together.
- As much as possible, try not to schedule important events that your student must be home for – at least for the first few weeks.
- Plan ahead with your student for Family Weekend if you will be able to be there. What would you like to do together?
The transition to college can be difficult. But the best way to make that transition is to remain present, to be open to new opportunities, and to make an effort to connect and engage. Encourage your student to take advantage of the full college experience by being there.
Related articles:
The Importance of the First Six Weeks of College
Reasons Why Your College Student May Need to Come Home for the Weekend
14 Suggestions of What to Do If (Not Necessarily When) Your Student Is Homesick
Are College Extracurricular Activities Really ”Extra”? Why Your Student Should Participate.
